22 May 2011

Messaging/RandomPlebeian Spills The Beans...

[There is a little story behind this post, which was originally made on OkCupid on 29 April 2011. As I'm quite sick and tired of people sending me inane messages (and obviously not reading all that I have had to say), I threw up this journal entry and edited the final section (titled "You should message me if...") to explicitly point to the permanent journal entry. In this blog post, I "spill the beans" and freely admit that I've written much of my OkCupid profile to reflect in specific negative/unattractive lights. Now, I also publicly admit it by posting exactly what I have said as it currently appears on OkCupid.]

So, at the end of my main profile page lies a section titled "You should message me if...", to which I reply:

...if?!

Read what I have said thus far. Does anyone in their right mind honestly think this is a good idea--or for that matter will necessarily end well?

Seriously. My profile oozes "cynical computer geek" at every possible turn, and also pretty much says that I am most likely NOT your guy. It is highly doubtful that I have (or am) what you are probably seeking.

More to come in a future journal entry (likely out 30 April or 1 May 2011)...


You may (or may not) be asking: what does this mean?

Well, first, it points out the mind-numbingly obvious, namely being a cynical computer geek who is not:

a.) physically attractive
b.) in possession of or has direct access to lots of money, expensive clothes, luxury cars, etc.
c.) politically powerful
d.) a so-called "bad boy" such as a run-of-the-mill gangster/thug, drug dealer, murderer, etc. ad nauseam.
e.) deemed worthy of being noticed, let alone "eligible" by the vast majority of the female adult populace in this country (and in this regard, probably upwards of eighty percent) by virtue of not being sortable in categories congruent with points A-D.

Secondly, I also figure that as most users this site are likely to follow this trend, messaging me would thus probably prove futile for reasons that I have stated all over my profile already.

With that in mind, I have no problems if people need/want to contact me regarding tech questions, provided of course they aren't repeated requests along the lines of "Hey, can you fix my ?" Nor would I mind random conversations about most topics. Those types of messages I can live with and likely will respond to in a timely manner.
On the other hand, the messages/emails/remarks that quite easily get on my nerves include:

a.) insinuations that I should be dating and/or engaging in various sexual activities, including those that imply that something is "wrong" with me (because such things hardly interest me), those that suggest or hope that "You'll find your special someone soon!", and appeals that basically amount to "C'mon! It's great and you don't know what you're missing!"
b.) messages asking me things like "What's a cynic like you doing on this site?" or "Why do you have such a problem with love or dating?" as I've thoroughly answered such questions via my journal entries (if you still have these questions, read the aforementioned entries first before asking).
c.) repeated requests for fixing or advising on matters. I don't like having to answer questions all of the time, so please don't use me as your personal "Shell Answer Man" or help desk.
d.) random posts from people who suggest that I'm a great guy (yea, right...)
e.) those that contain poor spelling and/or grammar. Yea, I get sometimes we make a typo or we're tired. If it's a consistent thing despite having access to grammar and spell check tools, then there's a problem.
f.) comments that imply things such as: "all you're interested in is computer stuff" or "Can't you write a "normal" profile?!" as again, I've outlined why that is throughout my profile. It's neither my fault nor my problem if you're just skimming my main profile page and/or the feed on the site homepage and not paying attention.

In addition, if your profile has any (or all) of the below things AND isn't a random convo/tech question (as stated above), this probably will guarantee that I will neither message you nor respond back to any you may send:

a.) pictures depicting yourself less than fully-dressed, including shots designed to show off, ahem, certain areas of your body. Let me make one thing clear: I don't plan on being intimate with you at all, therefore I have no reason to care what your cleavage/breasts and/or buttocks look like--or for that matter shots of you in beach attire. Why? First, I do not think this site is the proper venue for such pictures. Second, by doing so, it only makes you look like a sex-crazed idiot who's obviously trying to pander to various men and/or market herself online by using her body.
b.) you're under 19 or over 27 AND I can still somehow manage to tell from the site homepage that you are most likely NOT asking for tech advice and/or just a conversation thread. It's bad enough I'm usually on here when my brain is fried late at night or on the rare off-day as it is. I don't need to be dealing with that kind of stuff on top of it.
c.) your "looking for" and "message me" sections essentially imply that you're looking for a suave doctor or lawyer with a Benz in the garage. Sorry, but that won't be me--and I refuse to cater to delusions of people who think or want me to be just that. If you have a problem with that, kindly return from whence you came...
d.) you've answered less than 150 questions publicly. Yea, when I do read profiles, I do read all of the public questions, and it often adds to whether or not I find the profile interesting enough to comment on. In most cases, I won't message somebody because when I factor their profile as a whole, I find they just aren't intriguing enough for me to want to strike up a message thread.
e.) within your match questions, you indicate a desire to have sex frequently and/or enjoy oral sex. To me, this is very often an automatic refuse-to-message and will require something that heavily intrigues me to overcome. Why? As I've stated countless times, I have little interest in sex and find the behaviour of oral sex to be vile, beneath my dignity, and only for uncivilised barbarians and animals. Thus, if you have either (or both) of these, I most likely will have serious doubts on whether we can get along at all.
f.) your username has ridiculous elements like "4u" or your likely birthdate. These to me seem to indicate a minimum of creativity (and the latter a potential security risk), and quite possibly a middle-school mindset. This I obviously do not have the time for, and would rather not deal with it at all. So, unless one is referring to the size of a specific server on their own hosted rackspace, I do not want to see "2u" or "4u" on a profile.
g.) you indicate a preference for using drugs that are currently banned by law. Look, I favour legalisation, but I also have paths that I'd like to explore and I do not wish to jeopardise those by being with someone who uses marijuana or other drugs as the government does not take too kindly to associations with drug users.

Yea, a combination (or all) of these things will very likely earn black marks on my proverbial ledger. Of course, I also realise that they are harsh, and probably will open me up to criticisms such as "Wow. You're really picky," "Beggars can't be choosers, pal," or my personal favourite: "You rail against having criteria in dating, yet you specify a laundry list of demands. What a hypocrite!"*

Somehow, I don't think most people realise that what I have just articulated is an integral and inextricable piece of the impromptu filtering system I am deploying--a system whereby 98% of female users here are effectively filtered out. This I freely and openly admit is deliberately set (along with related decisions implemented across my profile) for a reason. Yea, it has to do with the question of "why I am still here," as I have previously elaborated in these journal entries. And while I am not going to go into detail here regarding the methods I am using in implementing this "filter," I must say that whatever I am doing is wickedly effective and is clearly having its intended effect.

So, the long and short of this system is this: if you want to draw my attention, you have to stand out and prove to me that you are not just merely genuine, but also worth investing my time and energy. There must be a reasonable, or preferably high, chance of us getting along across-the-board for the medium-to-long-term range. If not, then why waste not just my resources, but yours as well?

In this light, I also believe that 98% of female users on this site will not be able to match that standard (though they are more than welcome to try to prove me wrong).
Therefore, I find my filter mechanism therefore works...



*I feel this deserves a clarification: The reality is that I am not using these criteria to select a mate or to specify what type of woman I would or wouldn't date (I have the same four basic "non-negotiable" items that I've already enumerated for that). Rather, these items are merely things I look for in weighing whether to take the time to view their profile and/or message them (including replies), with no expectation of attempting to start a friendship or "romance" with that person, and are based on higher-ranking items in my "negotiable" list with the idea that the said items in this post augment the four non-negotiables (and help confirm or deny what I consider to be compliance with them).

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