26 August 2012

A Public Service Announcement -- Part I

While browsing through a bunch of profiles this past summer, it has come to my attention that women are complaining about the current state of affairs on these sites. They ask "Why are people doing this?"

I'm going to present several ubiquitous things that I see, and I'll tell you exactly why it's happening. Moreover, I highly doubt that you're going to like what I have to say; I really don't care. I am not here to please people but to truthfully represent myself to the community at large. Besides, the masses are asses.

1.) "All I get are messages for sex or regarding my boobs"

Let me tell you something: more often than not, the ones I see making this complaint are also the same ones who litter their photos with shots of themselves in swimwear, or trying to emphasize their cleavage. Now, I'm not saying that this is all bad--but when most of your pictures contain pictures of you in swimsuits, wearing only a bra, low-cut tops, etc. it's sending a message out to anyone who's reading that profile, and that's what people are going to focus on.

And while I think it's ethically and morally inappropriate, I do understand why it happens and I see it as a rational response on the guy's part. Nevertheless though, the solution is painfully obvious: if you truly don’t want that kind of attention, don’t publicly post such photos.

But it’s not just the presence of risqué photos that will lead to women getting such messages—it’s also the perception of how willing she is to actually make connections on such a site.

Case in point: I've also noticed that when someone does bother to take the time to review their profiles and craft a tactful message that shows even a modicum of interest in "getting to know you," such messages are hardly ever replied to--much less actually engaging in civilized conversation or *gasp* meeting up in person.

As it appears this phenomenon is seemingly omnipresent, one can conclude that a pattern in the interactions between the male and female users develops. This pattern factors in quite a bit like so:

  • Guy reads profile and sends a "nice" message to each of a quantity of girls on X dating site.
  • Guy counts how many messages he sends out and how many replies he's received, and realizes that few people (if any) are actually engaging in any sort of conversation with the goal of meeting up—which I might add is the ostensible purpose of the site.
  • Because said guy’s rate is minimal, he rationally thinks it over and decides to put minimal effort in--after all, it's not like he really has anything more to lose at this point. He also realizes that the ratio of men to women on most of these sites strongly favour women; often these are in the 2:1 to 4:1 range.
  • Guy sends out messages about boobs and sex (or the simple "hi" or “what’s up?”) to more girls because, hey, it's not like they've been replying to him anyway.
  • Guy either gets bored with the scheme or gets banned.
  • Girl whines on her profile that "all people talk about are my boobs" and ask "wanna f*ck?" or send those dreaded one-word messages.

It's simple cause-and-effect, yet for all of the squawking over intelligence that many of these women do, it seems such a simple thing most of us were taught in first and second grade has effectively flown right over their heads. The causes here are two-fold:

  1. Most females ignoring male messages means that more males then change their strategies accordingly--namely that they see that taking the time and showing interest in a message is getting them absolutely nowhere because most women don't bother to reply at all even though they expect, nay, openly demand that the guy make the first move (and thus bear 100% of the risk of rejection).
  2. Many girls are posting pictures of themselves that attract guys in precisely "those ways." As men tend to respond more to visual stimuli, they're going to zero in on the pics. 

So, if you're actually looking to meet and talk with a decent guy who's not going to be asking you if he can see your bare boobs or have sex with you right off the bat, it might behove you to actually reply to decent messages you receive and take down most of the cleavage and bra shots.

But to be honest, I don't think women want to change. Many of them just gripe when their idea of "the wrong guy" looks at their profile and sends a message. See, they want the attention and the ego-boost that posting their bodies provides, but throw a tantrum when "the wrong guy" is looking at them and sending her messages. Others just want to see how many men "want her" and obtain self-validation that way with no intentions of talking (let alone meeting) a guy from the site.

Well, guess what cupcake? Your postings and photos are usually visible to most people on these sites--they're not going to be visible to just the subsets of guys you've personally pre-selected. And, what if you're using the site for an ego-boost? Well, the guys are figuring out who you are as well and acting rationally. Either way, I argue it's ultimately your damned fault and even moreso when the dating site ratios are favouring you to the point where you probably didn't have to do a lot of work besides post some generic text and a couple of tit shots just to have the messages roll in.

Life's rough, isn't it?

Go to Part II

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