26 August 2012

A Public Service Announcement -- Part III

[The Announcement continues with Part III below:]

3.) "All I want is for someone to give me a chance"

Given the first two, it's clear you're doing something horribly wrong, and this too is Your Own Damned Fault™. As I mentioned previously: the site ratios are in your favour; and that the attitudes and patterns governing how and when you respond also play a significant role. But that doesn't necessarily tell the whole story.

An online-dating site is a manifestation of a marketplace. Within these marketplaces, everyone has a relative value determined by things such as their looks, personality, etc. It stands to reason that men and women who have the highest values are in turn wanted by mostly everyone, while those with average (or worse, low) values get very little (or no) interest. Most of it is driven by sexual desirability.

However, many men (myself included) also factor in the prospects of a long-term relationship (such as marrying a particular woman and raising a family with her). The basic idea here is that in the long-run, is a relationship with a particular woman going to be worth the risks (such as messy breakups/divorces, risk of infidelity, long-term decay of the relationship's bond) in the long-term. Increasingly, men are finding that the answer to this is "No, she's not" and are acting rationally as a result. And, what I mean by "acting rationally" is that a guy is willing to invest a reasonable quantum of commitment given the circumstances--in today's age, this usually means that such a guy is:

  • willing to only go for casual dating with sex on a somewhat-regular basis and not much more. This would tend to preclude long-term tracks that would typically result in marriage with children.
  • wanting to see a return on any investment he makes as soon as possible, such as by actively pushing for early sex and refusing to commit until after he and the woman have had sex for a bit.

Most girls who are making the complaint of "all I want is for someone to give me a chance" are also complaining that most men appear to only be interested in their bodies. The general attitudes by women as outlined above are the cause--and like many other things, if one is not part of the solution then they are part of the problem.

Go back to Part II

Go to Part IV

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