6.) Notes On Past Relationships and Casual Sex
These things are also clichéd, but because there’s enough to say I’ve decided to give these two items their own section.
A lot of women post snippets that indicate they’ve been hurt or used in past relationships. On the one hand, everyone goes through a couple of bad relationships. People learn in the process that the person they’re seeing just isn’t compatible for a wide variety of reasons. Thus, there’s no need to really note something like that because most people who have been dating will also have had some sort of similar experience.
On the other, some girls seem to indicate that “getting hurt” tends to happen every time they date someone, such as by “I’ve been hurt so many times in the past” or “guys have just used me.” And while getting hurt to some degree is part-and-parcel of the dating scene—after all, nobody’s going to be able to please and be attracted to everybody, there are things people can do to at least concertedly try to minimise that risk. The question becomes: did you vet the guy before you started dating him, or did you merely let your hormones and sex-drive do the thinking?
Thus, in both situations the verdict is quite obvious: You yourself consciously chose to interact with such men. I highly doubt somebody held a gun or knife to your head and said “You’re going to date and screw him…OR ELSE.”
Further, everybody has the right to leave a relationship for any reason (or hell, no reason at all). Staying in such a relationship then implies that there is not only consent given to the status quo, but a freely-made choice to continue it. It is your right to leave it, and if you’re truly being hurt, then does it not make perfect sense to exercise that right—even if it means seeking the help of other people (e.g. the police and the courts)?
Thus with these in mind, I find that people who stay are freely making a choice to stay. And like every other choice, there are ramifications and consequences that come with each choice.
The other portion of this topic concerns casual sex. Many people (men AND women alike) complain that online dating sites are packed with people who are looking for “a little extra fun” in their lives. This in and of itself is not a bad thing. However, a lot of people also do not bother to read the profile text carefully and particularly when risqué photos are up.
It’s one thing to not only deselect the “casual sex” or “intimate encounter” options and put a note saying “Please do not message me for sex because I am only interested in sex within the bounds of an exclusive relationship.” It’s another to rudely complain about all the sexually-laced messages you receive on your profile.
Further, such messages can easily be handled. Simply send a reply that says “Not interested. Please don’t contact me again.” and use the site features for blocking and/or reporting users. Problem solved. This in turn also has the effect of keeping you active and desirable on sites that actually track and rate based on how often you reply (such as OkCupid).
So, the end point on casual sex is this: if you’re truly not looking for it and are getting racy messages, then why not actually do something about it besides whining incessantly on your profiles? You have options such as blocking the offending sender and/or reporting them to site administration. Use them, damn it--and if you're not sure how to, there usually is some sort of help section or FAQ page that will tell you how to do it.
Unless of course you’re secretly interested in casual hook-ups, in which case you might as well just spare everyone the raw deceit and be open about it, and choose wisely from your suitors.
Go back to Part V
Go to Part VII