9.) Yes, we have no reciprocity!
The formats and the texts of most female users’ profiles are mind-numbingly predictable. It’s to the point where most anyone could construct a plausible “generic” female profile. Most have at least a couple of body pictures, most talk about how they’re caring people who like being outdoors, and also have a list of things that they absolutely want their guy to have. Moreover, the odds are quite high that you’ve followed that script to some varying degree.
Yet, it’s funny because for all the thought and effort that you’ve probably put into what your so-called “dream guy” must look like, do, act, talk, etc. ad nauseam, you have never bothered to put more than three seconds of thought into what YOU have to offer in exchange to a man. Because, it’s all about you, right?
Nope. Not even close.
You say that you want a man that will “treat you right, as I deserve to be treated.” Well, all right. As it is a two-way street, he in turn can and should ask if you’re going to treat him right, and specifically you will do that. However, you don’t make that clear at all. In fact, I daresay that most of your profiles only hint on what you have to offer in terms of your bodies.
As I have mentioned in previous parts, there are men who do screen the women they look for, and aren’t looking to have sex right away. And while I don’t claim to speak for most men, I nevertheless firmly believe that most guys aren’t just interested in sex; we want to have a companion who will love and care for us outside of the bedroom as well.
And while in your eyes, laying on the bed naked and letting him stick his dick into your varied orifices once in a while may be sufficient enough effort in your eyes, it is NOT enough in most guys’ eyes. This I note is particularly true if you then levy demands such as being “wined and dined” at fancy restaurants and taken to the best forms of entertainment in the city. Where is the equality in that? Is mediocre sex on an irregular basis in exchange for expensive dinners and gifts really a fair deal when you think about it? No, it’s not.
Here’s a hint: most guys are willing to really put forth the effort and go the extra mile in commitment. However, they reasonably expect that you’re going to hold up your end of the relationship both in and out of the bedroom. If you want to be treated very well, you’re going to have to put in equal effort and treat him as you want to be treated. For what it’s worth, this of course also implies that the biggest reason most guys don’t bother is because YOU don’t bother to put that effort in from the start. Meaning, a little more effort on your part can go quite a ways with him.
In the end, the bottom line is this: you are necessarily going to have to put effort in if you truly want the decent men that you say you do—and then keep it going. Considering that most guys on your average dating site don’t know you from Eve, your chance to showcase your ability to be a reciprocating partner is on your profile and within the first few messages you and him send back-and-forth.
Otherwise, the question becomes: if you’re not willing to put forth the effort (and much less actually do so), why should he? And at that point, then it once again becomes a case of “you reap what you sow…”
Go back to Part VIII
Go to Part X