19 September 2012

A Public Service Announcement -- Part XII

[The Announcement ends here with Part XII below:]

12.) A Tale of The Themes and The Credits

As you may have noticed, virtually every one of the past eleven parts are interconnected with each other, and not merely because they’re done by women who use online-dating sites. There are overarching themes and key-points that underlie much of what has been previously said:

-“It’s your own damned fault,” or the idea that many of your complaints are ultimately ‘self-inflicted wounds.’ After all, you’ve made the choice to not only join these sites, but also control the content of yours that gets posted. This also implies that: many of your complaints are the consequences of your actions and that you don’t want to have to deal with them simply because they are unpleasant to you. It also means you have the power to present yourself in various ways, some of which might be successful and others leading to failure.

-Lack of honesty in one’s profiles and intentions on the site. Many of you engage in deception, hypocrisy, and deceit. I find that this motivation often not only covers your true reasons for joining a given site, but also influences what you say on the site and how you react to and interact with other people. People don’t know you from the hypothetical “woman on the street” and often will assume that what you say is true and should (at least initially) be taken at face value.

-Unrealistic expectations on your part. Contrary to popular belief, these low-quality ‘freemium’ dating sites aren’t veritable stores designed to let women shop for a man much as she would shop for shoes or clothes. As I’ve said previously, such sites are the online equivalent of the bar, or worse, the “filthy truck-stop bathrooms.” They are ostensibly meant to facilitate the process of actively meeting other people (and yes, broadening your horizons). This also means being honest with yourself (see above) and not using fantasies such as Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey as your baseline.

-A sense of entitlement often permeates many of your profiles. This can be further subdivided, such as how you: want to be able to post and do whatever you like while simultaneously reaping the benefits without metaphorically paying the requisite costs, think that only the guys that sexually excite you should pay any attention to you, believe that the entire setup is literally “all about you,” and act as if the world owes you a tall, dark, handsome millionaire who’s also a well-known male model and would give you everything you wanted at your beck and call by birthright (i.e. simply because you have tits and a vagina). Sorry, it just doesn’t work like that.

-False assumptions on your part, such as assuming that: all men are like the most visible members of the group, all of the male users on the site are just looking for quick sex, that sex is all a guy wants to be happy in a relationship, a guy who visits your profile and doesn’t instantly strike your fancy that he must be a creep, and what a guy might need or want in a relationship is irrelevant.

As a result, many of you do the very things that I’ve mentioned previously. And this is hurting decent people of both sexes alike. The experiences for all can be made better, but it is a group effort. Thus the final question is: now that you are aware of what’s going on, will you choose to be part of the problem or part of the solution?

Choose wisely. 

Credits Statement:

Lastly, it is proper to close this Announcement with a statement credits, as without these individuals this could not have come to fruition in the written medium. The inspiration for this series comes as a result of viewing many ridiculous and idiotic profiles on the major dating sites.

OkCupid’s moderator queue provided a valuable amount of insight as these contain all of the profiles that have been flagged for allegedly violating that site’s rules.

PlentyOfFish is a veritable septic tank in its own right, which I will elaborate in more detail in the near future. That all said, most Americans can view a good portion (if not most) of the profiles by simple Google searches instead of logging in.

As far as specific profiles, I won’t name any here. However, in the near future my compadres and I will be compiling a couple of “Dirty Dozen” lists of some of the most egregious ones we’ve seen along with dissections and comments. Stay tuned!

Go back to Part XI

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