24 January 2013

Manosphere: Height and the short man blues

Over at PrivateMan, there's a discussion going about how best to respond to a message like this:

“You are perfect except for your weight. We should be friends, I think we would get along really well and have similar tastes/interests.”

A woman sent this unsolicited message to a 26 year old man who's 5'6". It set off a flurry of responses ranging from "Ignore her" to "it's a shit test--knock it down." Many  have noted the woman's offhanded disrespect as well.

M3 writes,

ps. is this a case of that word “Solipsism”? My feelings reading her pre-emptive rejection of him was simply her being 100% clueless and simply unable to comprehend what it would be like as the man on the other side of the monitor reading those words.

Anotheronetakestheredpill says,

A week ago I was talking to a girl 22 set who is going to get married with a guy in her age in a couple of years. She’s been overweight in the past and developed anorexia. Now she is just a little chubby.

She was wearing high heels and I teased her for being “so” tall. She told me that even on high heels his boyfriend was taller than her. We had this conversation:

-What happens if he was shorter?
-Well, I’d have never dated him
-Just because of his height?
-Yes, it doesn’t look good
-To other people’s eyes?
-Wow, you are suuuuuch a superficial girl
-Now you made me feel bad

Our height issues must be canceled out with their weight issues shameless

These two comments (as well as others) nail it. The message was thoughtless and rude as well as hypocritical. Not only that, but why on Earth would someone want to be friends with her after an introduction like that? Anotheronetakestheredpill's conversation brought up the line about how the taller girl/shorter boy dynamic doesn't "look good" in the eyes of others. A line like this is a smokescreen for the real issue: SHE doesn't think it looks good, but can't come out and say it because she doesn't want to sound rude, she says other people won't like it instead. Other people probably won't care or even notice that much unless it was some extreme case like a midget boy and an Amazon girl.

The blog post and its ensuing discussion brought back many memories from my own dating history. I've been that guy's position before because I'm about 5'4"-5'5" and have endured a few rejections based on height. Years ago, it bothered me to no end, but now, I don't really care. If some girl rejects me because I'm short, than so be it. It wouldn't be the first time. This woman's message isn't worthy of replying to; I won't sink to her level on an Internet message. It'd be like talking to a wall. (If this were in person, it's another story) Anyone who's that rude right away doesn't deserve my time. 

Here's a quick story from a long time ago:

In high school  this chubby girl I liked once said to me, "Oh, I really wanted to go to prom with you, but I would've been taller than you in my heels and that wouldn't have looked right." It caught me off-guard because I had no idea she'd considered taking me to prom. I hadn't asked her because only juniors and seniors could go to prom and sophomores like me couldn't go unless they were accompanied by an upperclassman. But to hear her say that so offhandedly, I couldn't believe her callousness. Even though she said this after prom had taken place, it still bothered me. Here she was saying, "Yes, I like you, but I need to follow some BS rule about the man being taller than the woman, so I really don't like you." Whatever. We didn't speak too much to each other after that.

Looking back, I wonder if perchance things would've worked differently if I'd known what I know now. Who knows. It doesn't matter too much now anyway. I know I'm a shorter man and that's fine: I do well in sports cares and on BMX bikes. My girlfriend's ever-so-slightly taller than me and we get on quite well thanks to our fondness for each other. She understands the idea that height doesn't matter all that much.

I want to conclude with commenter Brendan's words,

I guess I’m not seeing what the real issue is here. Yes, it was a bit crass in the delivery, but it’s not close to true nuclear rejections, really. It wasn’t sarcastic or mean, just thoughtless. Yes, he can’t change his height, but accepting the limitations of that is a part of the deal. Height for many women (most of them) is an absolute deal-breaker, it is the one physical aspect that is non-negotiable for most of them. Yes, men can’t change it, but that’s life — you need to learn to work with it, and not take it personally that so many women have you completely off the screen due to something you can’t change.

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