16 February 2013

Concerning the Sexual and Marriage Markets -- Part VII

[After another delay, here comes the seventh part in the series.]

VII.  Lack of Intelligence

Given that we live in an age of information, it makes sense that most people can and should generally have some modicum of intelligence. It should be noted though that intelligence does not necessarily just equal “book smarts” or skills one uses in the classroom. It includes the so-called “soft skills” that are often social.  Part of being an intelligent person is thus not only being able to master a specific skill set useful to society, but also being able to at least interact with people within the generally-accepted bounds of social and cultural norms.

And while this section too focuses on the women, I will easily note that most of what I say here can and does apply to the men with minimal modification.

This said, intelligence does play a role in determining long-term value (the MMV), though it usually doesn’t factor in significantly to short-term sexual value (the SMV). We can start with an ostensible premise:

“Most of us would like a spouse who can function in society and does not need to be treated like a child.” 

I doubt that more than a few people would take umbrage to such a statement. After all, most men would like a woman who’s responsible and not going to act like a bratty teenager who needs to be watched over all the time. Women routinely state upfront that they “want a man, not a boy.”

In the online-dating world, one’s profile is how most people will get to know them, as other users simply do not have any more information by which to judge people. Indeed, it is arguably the “first impression” most people get of a particular person. Thus it is critical that any person is prudent as to what they put up and how, taking into account their preferences, general personality, and who they seek to attract by using the site.

This last part is especially important though it varies based on a given user’s true intentions, and also what their target demographic is presumably looking for. Remember that most dating sites have options that range from casual sexual encounters, mere friendships, and “casual dating” on one end to “looking for someone to marry” on the other, with other options in between.

Thus, a woman who is looking for a “hot” guy who’s mostly interested in sex isn’t necessarily going to have to worry about the same things that another woman who’s looking for a stable, established man to marry and start a family with.  It goes without saying that the latter has to make a better impression on her “target” demographic of men than the former.

However, that often isn’t the case. While one can expect a girl who’s just looking for a short-term boyfriend and a hot lay in bed to emphasise her sexuality and not put a lot of effort into articulating herself beyond her sexual and romantic attributes, I’ve noticed a lot of women follow the “casual” template even though they’re actively looking for someone to marry. These women often tend to:
  • not say a lot about themselves in their profile, often only filling out the bare minimums needed to put it up
  • not consider what they have to offer towards their future spouse and give him some reason why he should consider her over any of the other women online
  • not proofread their profiles, or worse, employing “txtspeak” or “l33t” when most of them have access to basic word-processing tools (with spelling and grammar checks) that can at least appear to make what they say readable and at least semi-coherent. Further, I'll note that for women who list being in college or graduate school, that kind of text should be positively embarrassing for the simple fact that educated people do NOT write that way.  
  • post laundry lists (the “I want, I want, I want” litanies) that babble about the 598 things their "dream man" must be, and/or bad photos of themselves (e.g. self-shots of themselves in front of dirty bathroom mirrors, risqué/lingerie/nude shots)
  • use clichéd statements (e.g. “I’m a nice, sweet girl who’s close to her family and friends) which makes their profile simply look too generic -- things like these could be theoretically said about anybody
  • not try to stand out above other women by detailing what exactly makes them a unique and worthy person overall
  • don’t answer anything about their lives, or simply saying “ask me” or “message me for more” 
  • not reply to messages very often 

While posting a generic profile with a couple of risqué breast shots or pictures of them sitting in their car will generally work for the girl simply looking for a fling or a casual date, it really doesn’t fly for people who are actually trying to take the dating process seriously.  Why?

Guys who are actually looking for something long-term (and not just something based on sex, such as an "easy lay" or "friends with benefits") often tend to want to see the value that a woman offers, and why a given girl is the best option the guy has to him. In this regard, men and women are alike in that they want the best person possible (and not just merely in terms of attractiveness). Thus it is critical that for the woman who’s actually trying to find something stable and long-term that she markets herself as an educated and modest woman who will clearly add value to her man’s life when everything is said and done—in other words, she will prove to be a net benefit to a man instead of a net liability. 

Many (and some will argue most) women aren’t doing that, and they’re wondering why there are few men willing to commit to them as opposed to the flurry of men who are just seeking sexual intercourse. This is one big reason why.

Go back to Part VI

Go to Part VIII

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