27 March 2013

On Red Flags in Profiles -- Part III

[Here continues the RED FLAGS post as the third part]

#14: She implies or states that she wants a baby

Notes: This one too is mostly a "female-only" flag. Moreover, we don't refer to the mere desire to procreate, but rather to a rather-rabid form that appears to demand pregnancy and childbirth ASAP. An increasingly-common slang term to describe the latter phenomenon is "baby rabies."

Why it's a RED FLAG: She's looking for someone to get her pregnant. This has the obvious implication that she's not only wanting a baby "RIGHT NOW," but someone to presumably pay for it (and for her as well).

Resolution: This one's a no-brainer. A woman in this situation really needs to rethink her priorities, particularly of participating in an online-dating community.

#15: Mentioning of "let's be friends first" 

Why it's a RED FLAG: Far more often than not, it's a not-so-subtle hint to prospective dates that they can and should expect to be "friend zoned" without expectations of intimacy or a relationship. In short, a person saying this is more or less admitting upfront that they're not really looking to seriously date anyone.

Resolution: If you're just looking for friends, perhaps it'd be better to use  a different social-media or networking outlet; save the online-dating for when you're ready to seriously consider a long-term relationship.  [This is in italics and red font for emphasis; Chewie and I both strongly feel this is a key point that cannot be stressed enough.]

#16: Saying "If I don't respond to you, I'm not interested"

Why it's a RED FLAG: It often means that they're not likely to reply unless you really excite them in certain ways. A slightly-more-polite way of saying "if you're an average Joe/Jane, go away."

Resolution: Drop it from your profile. You can always politely tell prospective suitors who message you that you're not interested (and hell, even make it into a "form letter" to copy-and-paste).

#17: Noting references to partying, excessive alcohol use, or recreational drugs

Notes: It's one thing to say you enjoy going out for a pint or going out on the town once in a while. It's another to basically make it into your lifestyle. The former is fine; the latter is what draws the RED FLAG.

Why it's a RED FLAG: The obvious one is that it's suggestive of a possible alcohol or drug abuse problem. There's also the potential issues of consistently-poor judgement and overall immaturity.

Situations when it's NOT necessarily a RED FLAG: if it's noted and shown that the partying/alcohol is legal and done in moderation.

Resolution: If you are truly doing it legally and responsibly, consider toning down the image. If not, you might want to drop that from your profile and consider seeking professional help.

#18: Spending more than a couple of sentences saying: "I'm not looking for a one-night stand"

Notes: Many people aren't just looking for some random sex. But there's a line between simply saying that "I'm not interested in just sex" and taking up several sentences or a paragraph about it. In a sense, it can also be seen as a variant of Flag #7.

Why it's a RED FLAG: It usually indicates some previous history of poor decision-making when it comes to sexual activity.

Resolution: All that really needs to be said is this: "I'm not looking for sex right away. Do not message me if this is your intent."

#19: Saying "Show me a good time" in their profile

Why it's a RED FLAG: Like Flags 9 and 10, this is basically another way of saying "I want someone to really spend money on me" under the ostensible guise of "I'd like to do something that's mutually interesting"

Resolution: Rephrase it more along the lines of "let's do something together that's interesting" or "Something adventurous" instead of hinting that you only want to do something expensive and noteworthy.

#20: Naming and discussing previous exes, particularly in a very negative or hostile light 

Why it's a SERIOUS RED FLAG: Naming and flaming ex-partners is rarely a good sign, as it often suggests serious issues with anger management--which in turn may manifest themselves in even uglier and harmful ways.

Resolution: Avoid these users at all costs. If you're currently doing it, clean it up off your profile. Nobody needs to read that, and frankly all it's doing is making you look vindictive and vengeful--not someone most people would want to take on a date.

Go back to Part II

Go to Part IV

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